From a young age, I was taught to be someone who does things. It was not subtle that my worth was attached to what I could offer to others. In an average child’s life, this is the norm. Schools perpetuate these systems. Conform. Offer more. You might get rewarded. Don’t expect it.
In the last five years, I’ve done a lot of personal healing work around productivity. For me, this was twofold. One part was understanding the heavy reality that the American workplace requires an unnatural level of productivity for very little reward, and no balance. The second part had me reconciling my worth. I had to rewire my brain to understand that my worth is, in truth, detached from outward approval. I am so much more than what I do. Repeat. I am more than what I can do for you. This is a narrative every woman is familiar with.
It’s sneaky because this is the predator that gets kids before they leave home. They are indoctrinated into a sick society when they are forced to play the sport you want them to play. When they’re not allowed to leave an activity they hate because it’s a commitment. When they’re told not the wear the crazy outfit they love because you’re uncomfortable with clashing colors. So many good intentions lead to supporting a broken system and, as a by-product, broken people. Before these kids even have a shot, they take out student loans and their fate is cemented. How would they ever know that this societal standard, this way to fit in, would throw them onto a hamster wheel that will never stop turning.
If you’re like, hey! The hamster wheel life isn’t so bad! – from the bottom of my heart, I love you for this. If this is your journey and it is satisfying, incredible. You are part of a very small minority of people.
If you are working for yourself, you’ve had a sincere reckoning with how American society functions and you’ve found a way to thrive within it, I admire you. If you are bringing your talents into the world with joy and balance, I celebrate you. I bow to you. I am so freaking excited for you! But in the case that you are neither of the above, I get that too. Because right now, you are me and I am you.
Now this is important. If you’ve thrown your flailing body from that hamster wheel that is American expectations and you’re lying face-first in a cow field, not sure where to go next… don’t panic, you’re not alone. I’m right here in the pile of cow shit next to you. I think it’s going to be fine. I haven’t been here before but I feel like I’ve been here a long time. This is a new level of consciousness that most of us are still processing. Panic if you need to but it won’t help, I’ve tried.
The collective consciousness is waking up. We are rising and refusing to continue to die from diseases made of the emotions we hide in our bodies. We are learning to avoid the FDA-approved foods, banned in other countries, that are poisoning us. We’re walking away from the systems filled with broken promises, no longer willing to live to work.
Being on this earth is such a privilege. The reason we get stuck for so long, facedown in this field is that we’ve been convinced by somebody that it’s safer to be small. We choose to play by the rules of a society that financially benefits from our fatigue, sickness and insecurity. If you are allowing someone else’s will and opinions to determine your path, that is where you’ll stay. If you compare yourself to them, it’s the same outcome. You’ll be stuck until you start listening to you.
I am still learning how to navigate in this space. I’ve been half in and half out for years, holding onto a rollercoaster when I was no longer in my seat. Letting go takes trust and, if you’re on this path, you can lean into trust and surrender (this is not my strong suit) or you can continue holding on until you have to let go. Different journey, same outcome.
So if you are demanding perfection from yourself instead of following your joy, remember that perfection is the enemy of creation. Paint the painting. Write the article. Sing bad karaoke because it’s thrilling. Make the cake. Crochet an uneven blanket, it’s already a masterpiece because you actually did the thing. Make a gorgeous flower arrangement. Productivity is beautiful in its true form because when the floodgates of creativity are open, it’s a by-product of our unique expression. We are only afraid of our own creations and our own joy because we’ve been conditioned to be.
Capitalist societies need large numbers of people to buy into their system of sameness. But the wish of this is not enough so they make sure that you’re on the hamster wheel one way or another. We’re tricked into thinking work is the problem (even this is a good first step of consciousness), but it’s not. We are here on earth to share our gifts, to be unique and celebrated. Productivity is a problem when it’s not yielding the life you desire. When you’re not giving what gives you life to give. When you’re giving too much or choosing someone else’s dream instead of your own. When you’re not sticking up for what you need for your own wellbeing. The propaganda is crumbling. The old American Dream has become unobtainable and how lucky are we that truth lies in its ruins? People are not inherently lazy. Fatigue is a response to being out of alignment in sharing your gifts.
The worst crime against humanity is to remain too afraid to create.
If you’ve made it this far, it’s my guess that you are one of those very special people who are shifting and flailing at the same time. This journey is as hard as you make it and I wish ease for you. I wish that childlike excitement bubbles in your chest as you anticipate a new day, a new project. You were made to thrive and you’ll be rewarded for it every single time. Now go, you beautiful being. Paint the painting. And know that I am here for you if you need help along the way, as I too navigate this new world that we’re creating together.
With all of my love,
